And then he trailed off, and no one gave him props for having a smart date.
They all just sat there like I was handicapped or something and they were trying not to stare.
He just said, “You’re too smart.”
Too smart, period.
Then came the kicker.
“You know…your boobs are too big to be so smart,” Robert finally said.
So this was an either/or situation???
Also, he only cared about boobs. No brain attached.
I’ve often said I wish I was a cat.
It’s no secret that guys don’t know a good picture of themselves.
Facebook isn’t real life.
Of course Mark chose this picture to include in the roundup.
HE TAKES PICTURES FOR NATIONAL PUBLICATIONS FOR CHRIST SAKE!
Did he NOT notice that half my face is asleep, like a stoke patient?
That he made me look cross-eyed and have FOUR CHINS???
I’ve been reading the New York Times Magazine lately, and I’m particularly impressed with their one-sentence book reviews.
File this in the great dating debate: How do you let someone know that you don’t want to see them again after one or two dates?
Of COURSE you want your ex to know how super, overly happy you are with your new girlfriend/boyfriend.
And wouldn’t it be AWESOME to have them see you with your new guy/girl on a hot date at a nice restaurant….mid-laugh??
Or dancing super close??
Like haha baby. LOOK AT ME!!! HAPPY!!!
But since you can’t very well plan for your ex to run into you looking fabulous and happy out on a hot date…mid-laugh…dammit…there are several other ways you can let your ex know you’re super happy.
Most of them are lame.
Because why would you want to make an ex jealous, really?
1.) You’re not over him/her
2.) You’re angry and bitter
3.) You just want to rub a new, hot piece of ass in his/her face
Some people use Facebook to do this, and there are too many examples to list right now, but that method can backfire like so.
Others deliberately bring their new guy/girl to a bar where they will likely run into an ex, but that makes everyone involved uncomfortable.
Jared, this guy who dated my old roommate Lindsey, used a different method to let Lindsey know how happy he was with his new lady.
He texted Lindsey’s best friend about it.
Yes, Captain OBVIOUS randomly texted Sarah, Lindsey’s best friend, out of the blue more than a YEAR after he and Lindsey broke up.
“Random hello from Jared!” he texted Sarah.
Sarah raised one eyebrow.
“Hey what’s up?” she wrote back.
“I’m dating this really amazing girl right now.”
“Oh yea?” Sarah wrote. “I’m dating this great guy right now too.”
Jared went on.
“Yea she’s pretty much perfect. I feel like ALL my other girlfriends were just TAKERS TAKERS TAKERS because I have so much to give.”
Jared pressed on.
“I’ve just never felt so compatible with someone my entire life. She’s just so great and loyal and wonderful.”
Um…why again was this Sarah’s business?
Oh, right. Because she was one of the said “takers'” best friends.
“That’s great,” Sarah wrote back and then immediately called Lindsey to tell her about the conversation.
Jared’s plan worked!!!
…and then backfired.
Because instead of crying into her cereal about it, Lindsey just laughed hysterically.
“And what exactly does he have to GIVE?” she asked.
I wondered what compelled Jared to text Sarah about his newfound love on that particular day. I mean, it was clear he wanted Lindsey to get the memo, which is pretty pathetic, but why a year later??
I know it’s hard, but most of the time silence is golden when it comes to an ex.
And, what’s with this “All my ex’s have been TAKERS” business?
Come on. Write that shit in your diary, Jared.
He should have photo messaged her a picture of them out on a date…mid-laugh.