We are now approaching month five of 2018 and I have a candidate for the biggest Toolbag Tuesday of the year.

Andy, this guy my friend Deanna dated, wins the award for Worst Way To Get Back In Touch With Your Ex.

And by worst, I mean hilarious.

Because there are lots of non-hilarious terrible ways to get back in touch with your ex, like sending them a wedding announcement. Or a baby announcement.

Or a subpoena.

Ha

But Andy’s way—super hilarious!

Andy and Deanna met online and he was funny, smart, (tall LOL), ambitious and they went out for several months.

After date number 10, he invited her to go on a long weekend at a mountain resort.

The night before their trip, they went on a cute date to the grocery store—“he wouldn’t let me pay for a thing!”—and they had a fantastic weekend.

The last night in the mountains, she and Andy even had a “I’m not seeing anyone else” talk.

It was a winter wonderland!

When they got back to reality, Andy carried her luggage inside and said goodbye.

…and then he never spoke to her again.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mountain man ghosted her!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was traumatizing. Deanna was sending him texts and calling like usual, but he disappeared.

Deanna saw that Andy was still active on social media, replaying Snapchats, posting Instagram stories, etc. so he didn’t get followed home by a Yeti or anything.

Clearly, he was just ignoring her.

She texted him, “So I feel like I’m bugging you but I’m curious what’s going on? I thought we were good?” and he didn’t respond.

HE DIDN’T RESPOND!!

UGH.

Infuriating.

But Andy eventually did get in touch with her, two months later.

It was hardly the “I’m sorry, want to go to dinner?” scenario she would have liked.

Her phone rang on a Saturday morning.

“Hello?”

“Hey, can you come pick me up?”

LOL

“What?”

“I got drunk last night and was trying to sleep it off in my car and the cops are here and they told me to call someone to pick me up or else I’ll go to jail,” Andy said.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL

LOL

LOL

“I’m just down the street from your place at the Big Shot bar,” he said.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL

LOL

LOL

HAHAHHAHAHAHA

Andy was clearly still drunk to think calling her was a good idea.

Who thinks to do this?!!?!? 

Who thinks, “I know what would be a good idea! Call the girl I ghosted and have her do me a favor!”

P.S. I’M A COMPLETE MESS AND I SLEPT IN MY CAR LAST NIGHT.

ALSO, I DON’T KNOW WHAT UBER IS.

…HOPE YOU DON’T MIND TALKING TO COPS!

Deanna weighed her options.

“Because he still hadn’t told me why he ghosted me, I went to go get him to have some leverage to make him tell me why he disappeared first,” she said.

LOL

This is what the world is coming to!!!

Indeed, when she arrived, Deanna demanded Andy tell her why he ghosted her before she brought him anywhere.

LOL

His answer was annoyingly basic.

“I thought I was ready for a relationship but realized I wasn’t,” he said.

Something he couldn’t have said two months ago.

And then Andy peed his pants.

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF THE COPS!!!!

In his car!

A ghost would never.

-Jenny