It takes a pretty special (and by special I mean spiteful) person to take you to divorce court over your cats.
I mean, really. Cats!
An actual elected judge to decide who gets custody of cats!
Let’s just get the joke out of the way: A guy who brings his ex-wife to court over cats is a PUSSY.
But that’s what Toby did to my former co-worker Ashley. He took her to court over their cats when they got divorced.
AND HE GOT THE CATS.
“I was the one who pulled them out from under the house when they were just days old!” Ashley said. “They were MY babies!”
But Toby convinced the judge that the cats would have better veterinary care in Nashville, where he was moving from New Orleans, and he had a job and she didn’t, so he could afford them and she couldn’t.
Ashley was completely devastated and now totally alone and felt like the biggest loser in the world.
They didn’t have a house together or any kids, but she had her cats.
And now a court decided she wasn’t fit to even afford canned effing tuna fish.
So she went out and rescued two new cats to replace the ones Toby relocated across state lines.
Ashley said the most infuriating part was that Toby didn’t even like the cats as much as she did; he was just a huge dick and wanted to make her feel as terrible as possible because he was one of those psychopaths.
…A point proven exactly one year later, when Toby called her, casually. The first time he had contacted her in 365 days.
“Hey, my new wife doesn’t like the constant reminder of you in the house so you’re going to have to come and take Sparkles and Ruby back,” he said.
(Ed note: What a pussy lol)
Ashley paused at all of this information.
His new wife?
“You have a new wife? In a year?” she asked.
She was completely shocked.
“Yea, so you have until this weekend to come up to Nashville and get them or else I’m bringing them to a shelter.”
Ashley noted: It was Thursday. And Nashville was eight hours away.
She got her claws out and tore into him about being so casually ready to dump her beloved cats when he was SO ADAMANT about keeping them that he involved a court reporter and hundreds of dollars in legal fees.
My question when I heard the story was why he even felt the need to tell his new wife that the cats were from his previous marriage.
How on Earth did they as a couple come to the conclusion that Ruby and Sparkles were “daily reminders” of her???
Why couldn’t he have just found new homes for them and not involved Ashley at all???
(Answer: Because he’s still a psychopath.)
Ashley scrambled to rearrange her work schedule and get her oil changed to drive 16 total hours to get her cats with two days notice.
And now she has four cats.
Send canned tuna fish.