For some reason guys’ iPhone batteries don’t die after 30 minutes of scrolling through Facebook like every female I know.

Which is why it’s a good idea to have your roommate’s boyfriend’s cell number.

Because you need to tell her something, and her phone is dead.

Or because her boyfriend is looking for her, and her phone is dead.

Literally anything, and her phone is dead.

In my 18 years (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) of living with roommates, I’ve had a number of roommates’ boyfriend’s phone numbers and have participated in very important conversations like, “Is Angela with you? Her phone is dead.”

Or, “Hey this is Angela from Brad’s phone, are you home? I forgot my keys. Also my phone is dead.”

Thankfully, I’ve never had a problem with someone’s boyfriend abusing the privilege of this mode of communication.

But Jessica didn’t get so lucky.

Jessica lives with my friend Tara. When she moved in, she exchanged numbers with Tara’s boyfriend, David.

She said that despite exchanging numbers, she and David had no cell phone contact at all.

That is, until David and Tara broke up.

A few days later, Jessica was minding her own business when she got a text from David.

Was this to ask if his hoodie was at the apartment?

Was it to see if he could take back his vat of cookie dough from the refrigerator?

No.

“Hey, I know Tara has been telling you a lot of stuff about me, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m actually a really good guy,” David wrote.

LOL

OK, David.

Jessica ignored it. David pressed on.

“What is she saying about me???” he texted.

LOL

David was super desperate, and barking up the wrong tree.

“I’m sorry you guys didn’t work out,” Jessica wrote.

It was a nice message, but once she made contact, David got more clingy.

“Did you know that I bought her a month at a gym??”

(Ed note: Jealous!!)

LOL

“I’m a very generous guy. I just hate that Tara is going around saying stuff about me.”

LOL

Rule of thumb: Don’t to reach out to your ex’s roommate after you break up.

SHE IS NOT IN YOUR CORNER.

Especially in this case, Jessica didn’t care about David, she barely knew him and had indeed been hearing shitty things about him from Tara.

“WHY WON’T YOU TELL ME WHAT SHE’S SAYING??” David asked.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

Jessica looked at the message and rolled her eyes.

Thankfully, her phone died a short time later.

-Jenny