TOOLBAG TUESDAY – Halloween creeps

This Halloween, I found an even scarier person than a creepy effing clown!!!!

It’s someone’s husband, wearing his “I’m single” outfit.


My friend Hillary came to visit me in New Orleans this weekend and we went to a place where dancing was required.

It was a dance party at a cheesy bar on Bourbon Street, and it was loud and obnoxious but oh so fun when the Saints football team just won.


There we were, front and center dancing together, when a guy came up to Hillary and started dancing behind her, grinding on her butt.

He wasn’t at all cute, and looked at least a decade older than us.

“Oh, sorry, I have a boyfriend,” Hillary lied to him.

“Well, is he here?” the man said, not listening to the hint to stop grinding.

“No, but his friends are,” Hillary lied again, and stepped away from him.

This gross man not only didn’t care about the words she was saying, but he put his hands on her stomach and PULLED HER INTO HIS GRINDING LOWER HALF.

“STOP!” Hillary said shaking away from him. “I already told you I have a boyfriend.”

“So?” he said. “I have a WIFE.”

Then he put his finger over his mouth like A SHHHH

His wedding ring flickered in the strobe light.

(Really dude????? SHHH?)

“Well, I don’t want to dance with a man who has a wife, that’s really disrespectful to her and to me,” Hillary said.

“Well, she’s not here so who cares?” the man said, still moving to the beat. “Hey, can I buy you a shot?”

That’s when Hillary and I walked away from the horny, married man.

We then walked out of the bar into the costumed streets of New Orleans and I realized at that moment that zombies and psychos with chainsaws are a hell of a lot less creepy than that asshole.

…who, unfortunately, is in costume year round.

No ifs, ands or SHHHHHs about it.



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