I forget what exactly the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz was afraid of, but if he lived in this era, I imagine he’d be afraid to break up with his girlfriend.

Because breaking up with someone takes courage.

Someone stitch that on a pillow!!

Unless there’s an epic catching-someone-cheating or a creepy reveal, it’s a dreadful, voice-shaking, knee-buckling horrible conversation.

Which is why it’s easy to coward out.

The most common one is to “ghost” and disappear, but that can only work if it’s a super casual dating situation, not someone you’ve been dating for a year.

So, second “best” is when a guy decides that instead of doing the uncomfortable work of breaking up with his girlfriend, he just decides to be an asshole ON PURPOSE to make a girl break up with him.

COOL.

But I heard of a new tactic this past weekend, the MOST COWARDLY LION way of getting out of breaking up with someone.

Ya’ll.

He deliberately got fat.

LOL

I guess that’s better than being an asshole on purpose???

This past weekend, a guy friend told me about Brandon and his big FAT idea.

I don’t actually know Brandon. Perhaps he just has a penchant for carbs.

But the story I heard from Brandon’s friend is that Brandon decided to gain a whole bunch of weight so that his girlfriend wouldn’t be attracted to him anymore and break up with him.

LOL

How much weight? I asked.

Ya’ll.

SIXTY POUNDS.

SIXTY POUNDS!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE SAME WEIGHT AS A FOURTH GRADER!!!!

Someone would rather gain sixty pounds than breakup with their girlfriend!!!!!!

THAT’S how terrible it is to break up with someone: the potential for diabetes.

LOL

Update: It worked!!!! Brandon is now single.

Way to go Brandon!

LOL

If he only had a brain…

Wait, that was the scarecrow.

LOL

-Jenny