I forget what exactly the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz was afraid of, but if he lived in this era, I imagine he’d be afraid to break up with his girlfriend.
Because breaking up with someone takes courage.
Someone stitch that on a pillow!!
Unless there’s an epic catching-someone-cheating or a creepy reveal, it’s a dreadful, voice-shaking, knee-buckling horrible conversation.
Which is why it’s easy to coward out.
The most common one is to “ghost” and disappear, but that can only work if it’s a super casual dating situation, not someone you’ve been dating for a year.
So, second “best” is when a guy decides that instead of doing the uncomfortable work of breaking up with his girlfriend, he just decides to be an asshole ON PURPOSE to make a girl break up with him.
But I heard of a new tactic this past weekend, the MOST COWARDLY LION way of getting out of breaking up with someone.
He deliberately got fat.
I guess that’s better than being an asshole on purpose???
This past weekend, a guy friend told me about Brandon and his big FAT idea.
I don’t actually know Brandon. Perhaps he just has a penchant for carbs.
But the story I heard from Brandon’s friend is that Brandon decided to gain a whole bunch of weight so that his girlfriend wouldn’t be attracted to him anymore and break up with him.
How much weight? I asked.
THE SAME WEIGHT AS A FOURTH GRADER!!!!
Someone would rather gain sixty pounds than breakup with their girlfriend!!!!!!
THAT’S how terrible it is to break up with someone: the potential for diabetes.
Update: It worked!!!! Brandon is now single.
Way to go Brandon!
If he only had a brain…
Wait, that was the scarecrow.