TOOLBAG TUESDAY–THANK YOU PEANUT GALLERY

For real, who doesn’t fantasize about their ex seeing them in public looking awesome and fit and having fun with another date?

(It’s kind of why some people’s Instagram pages exist haha)

But this ACTUALLY happened to my friend, Mallory. She arrived at her favorite restaurant with a new, hot Tinder guy and she saw her ex, Brian, sitting at the bar.

Unfortunately, he was also on a date.

Ugh. They were even.

Mallory said she tried not to make eye contact as she waited at the host stand for their table. It was a small restaurant, so she knew they would eventually have to acknowledge one another.

UGH. Why did they have to be even????

This is why you don’t go to you and your ex’s favorite restaurant with a new date!!!

Why couldn’t he have been eating all sad and alone??

Just before Mallory could upset herself by thinking of how much fun Brian was having on his date, he saved her a lot of time.

“I’M HAVING THE BEST NIGHT!” Brian announced loudly to the bartender.

LOL

“THIS IS MY DATE, HOLLY. I told her how this is my FAVORITE restaurant! CHEERS EVERYONE!!”

Mallory pretended to read the menu with wide eyes.

Was Brian really announcing his fab new life to the bartender?

LOL

“I’M HAVING SUCH A GREAT MONTH, I TELL YOU, JULY IS WHERE IT’S AT!” he said, to no one in particular.

(He and Mallory broke up a month ago.)

LOLOLOLOLOL

Did he think she was stupid?

People who are legitimately happy don’t loudly announce said happiness to a stranger for the purposes of their ex overhearing.

He would have done better to keep quiet.

Mallory said his bragging got so blatant and weird, that HER Tinder date made a comment about it.

“What’s with that guy?”

“Actually, that’s my ex-boyfriend,” Mallory said. “He’s obviously trying to make me jealous with his awesome new date and life.”

That’s when Brian chimed in loudly: “AREN’T DATE NIGHTS JUST AWESOME?”

Mallory’s date laughed, and then she laughed and Mallory hoped Brian noticed.

THAT moment would have gotten all the likes on Facebook.

-Jenny

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