This post has nothing to do with Donald Trump, but I imagine this very classy opening line would be right up his alley:

“I think your tits have gotten bigger since the last time I saw you.”

The only way this opening line would be acceptable is if you were a plastic surgeon and you’re doing a follow-up appointment with someone who you just gave implants to.

Ha.

…And even that isn’t professional.

But this OPENING LINE was somehow acceptable in the mind of Harry, a complete douche (and NOT a plastic surgeon) who my friend Tina hadn’t seen in two years since college.

He was a douche then, and he was a douche now.

Tina had actually forgotten Harry existed, but ran into him randomly at a housewarming party and as he walked over to say hi, through his drunken slur, he said, “TINA! I think your tits have gotten bigger since the last time I’ve seen you.”

Tina and Harry had never dated or anything remotely like that (not that THAT makes a difference). Her chest never has, or ever will, be his business.

This was just simply the line he chose to say in public to someone he hadn’t seen in two years.

She wished she could have told him to fuck off, but she didn’t want to make a scene.

He was a douche, and douches get to get away with all kinds of sh*t.

Right then, his long-time girlfriend, who Tina knew from college, had just walked up.

Harry conveniently canned the conversation about her cans.

The sad thing is, he got away with it. I wouldn’t have said anything to him either.

He was too drunk to care or comprehend, and are you really trying to have a fight at a housewarming party with someone you never see?

And be responsible for ruining a party and then having everyone pay attention to the tits in question?

Besides, he had LONG sailed down the douche river. There was no saving him. No rope long enough to bring him back anywhere near a harbor of decency.

He probably thought it was a compliment.

UGH. PIG.

Society!

Let’s hope he doesn’t ever become president.

Or let’s hope a plastic surgeon staples his mouth shut.

-Jenny