Color me shocked: your ex doesn’t want to hear from you.
Just kidding. That’s not shocking at all. It’s why the Facebook block button exists.
But I guess, if you MUST get in touch with your ex, it better be for a damn good reason, like you just found their tax return, or their cat.
Stephen’s reason for contacting my friend Linden, his ex, was neither important nor necessary.
Actually, he announced aggravating news that Linden didn’t need to know about at all. (Where’s the iPhone block button??)
Linden and Stephen were neighbors in a really nice neighborhood. Stephen lived alone; Linden lived with her then-boyfriend Sam.
The neighbors all hung out and Stephen had a secret crush on Linden until she became single and moved out.
Stephen was a shoulder to cry on and a person to vent to about the fall of Linden and Sam’s relationship.
“I helped him find financing for that house!” Linden cried, unpacking boxes in her new, drab basement apartment. “I’m the one that told him about the first-time homeowner tax credit!!!”
Stephen and Linden went out for a few months before realizing they had more in common when they lived next door to one another.
And then Linden tried to forget about the year 2014 entirely.
But then, THIS week, she heard from Stephen, and it had nothing to do with her tax return, or her cat.
“So…I saw that Sam’s house is for sale,” he said.
This was new information to Linden. She felt a pang of sadness. Great. Now she was reminded of the memories in that house being sold to someone else. Plus reminded of TWO ex-boyfriend.
“I didn’t know that he was selling it,” she said. “What about it?”
“Well, I was wondering how much he was selling it for,” Stephen said. “Do you think you could ask him for me?”
“Well, I’m sure there’s a phone number on the for SALE sign that you could call and get that information,” Linden said, cooly.
“Yea, well, you know real estate agents…I just wanted to know how low he was willing to go on it…” Stephen said.
Seriously. Stephen actually thought that Linden would be the best person to find INTEL on the sale price of a house that her ex-boyfriend owned, a guy she had a horrible breakup with and had not spoken to in three years????
“I’M NOT A REAL ESTATE AGENT!” Linden said, then hung up.
I know. Shocking.