Food and beverage people always say that everyone should work in food and beverage at least once in their lives because they’ll see how truly horrible people can be, and it may bring awareness to the condition.
…And that condition is Mike.
Mike was a complete embarrassment to my friend June on their one and only date and it was NOT because Mike was drunk or anything.
He’s an embarrassing date sober.
Mike and June met online (ugh) and they both chatted beforehand about their love for a nice steak dinner so Mike asked her out to a steak dinner.
He was already breaking the mold for all the other online dates she had gone on.
He didn’t suggest they go to a seedy dive bar, for one thing.
And the way he phrased asking her out, it was implied that he’d be paying the bill. Promising!!!
June said that when she met Mike for before-dinner cocktails, she was pleasantly surprised by how cute he was. Promising!!
But then Mike asked the bartender if the bar had any “small-batch gin.”
June said since they were at a fancy bar, the bartender said actually, yes, they do, and he made Mike a small-batch gin martini.
The minute Mike took a sip of the martini his cute face turned into a scowl.
“EWWWWW” he said dramatically. “This is HORRIBLE.”
“Ok, well, then send it back and get another drink made,” June said.
“NO, it’s FINE. I’LL DRINK IT,” Mike said. With every sip, his face curled up into a scowl, unattractive.
The bar they were at is a very small, narrow bar and the bartender could clearly hear that Mike hated his cocktail.
“How is that small-batch?” (LOL) he asked, already knowing the answer.
“FINE,” Mike said.
“Really, if you don’t like it, I can make another one.”
“NO! I’LL DRINK IT!” Mike yelled (yelled!!) and then June said she had to sit there watching him take sour-faced sips of a drink with a helpless bartender.
“Hey, the bartender just wants to make you happy. You can get another drink, we’d ALL appreciate it,” June said.
But Mike was too proud or too interested in being unhappy to care.
Now, if small-batch gins were unsuitable for Mike’s delicate palate, you can imagine how he did with a rare steak.
June said basically the exact same scenario went down: Mike ordered something, wasn’t pleased with it, yet refused to get another one, leaving the server helpless and pissed off.
“This steak is NOT rare,” he told June deliberately as the server was coming up. The same writhing sour face, LOL.
“It’s not?” the server said, having overheard his complaint.
“I’m sorry, let me have them make another one. It won’t take more than five minutes to fire it.”
“NO, I’M STARVING, I’LL JUST EAT IT,” he said.
Another SOUR FACE.
June looked at the server, helpless herself.
“MY steak is perfect,” she said trying to make the server feel better.
Again June told him, “Why don’t you just get another fucking steak? Why are you being so difficult?”
“BECAUSE I’M STARVING,” he said, eating his meat.
“A rare steak takes no time at all,” she said.
But it was clear that Mike wasn’t interested in being happy with his food, drinks or service. He just wanted to complain and be a dick.
(June noted he also disliked the gin martini at the steak place, surprise, surprise.)
June said it got so bad that the MANAGER came over to the table to see what the problem was.
“Your server says you’re not happy….”
June was mortified and kept repeating to the manager that HER steak was perfect and delicious. Mike backtracked saying it was “fine,” making everyone uncomfortable.
In fact, it was the most uncomfortable date she had ever been on. She said other people were staring at them and their table. Certainly the others servers were.
Then, the server came back and announced that the manager was going to give them a free dessert because of the steak.
“I DON’T EAT DESSERT!” Mike said.
(Ed note: Who the F doesn’t eat dessert????)
June said the server got snippy, which was again mortifying since it had never happened to her before.
“Well, then take the dessert to-go, I don’t care,” she said and walked away.
June ordered a custard cup or whatever and then shoveled it into her mouth as fast as possible so they could leave and she’d never have to see Mike again.
At least he paid.
On the walk back to her car, June again told Mike that it was confusing as to why he was so difficult and why he couldn’t have re-ordered the food and drinks he wasn’t happy with.
“It doesn’t matter, it wouldn’t be right anyway,” he said.
June then understood why this “cute” guy was online dating.
He was clearly some sort of unsatisfied, miserable control freak who loves to be fussed over by food and beverage workers.
Because there is no other reason why someone would pay $30 for a steak that’s not to their preferred temperature or $11 for a gin martini that’s disgusting.
It’s like he got off on being difficult.
(Ed note: At least someone was getting off that night…heyooo)
June said she was counting the city blocks until she got to her car when they walked past a cute wine bar that June had spent many nights enjoying.
“Oh, that place is horrible, I ordered a CHIANTI the other week at it tasted OLD,” Mike said.
June couldn’t even imagine being there with him as he argued with the bartender about the time framein which the bottle was opened.
What a tool.
He was 2-for-2 in pissing off wait staff for no good reason. Thank god there wasn’t the opportunity for a third.
Besides, there aren’t enough sour faces to deal with any more of him.