I was thinking of what could possibly be the worst birthday gift in the world since I recently learned that there are guys out there (UHHH in their 30s…kill me) who think it’s OK to NOT get A BIRTHDAY GIFT FOR THE GIRL THEY ARE DATING.
AND I FIGURED IT OUT!!
I figured out the worst possible gift in the world, worse than getting nothing at all.
A losing lottery ticket.
No, not a lottery ticket, period. Which the odds say would likely be a losing lottery ticket.
No, an actual LOSING lottery ticket, like the DRAWING HAD ALREADY HAPPENED and the ticket was a loser (Huh. Ironic)
A LOSING LOTTERY TICKET!!!
Basically a scrap piece of paper that should be put in the trash.
WHO GIVES A GIRL A LOSING LOTTERY TICKET?
(Answer: A loser.)
“Who gives a girl a losinglottery ticket?” asked Jessica, my friend who received this unfortunate present on her 30th birthday.
“Oh, well, I bought it for you a week ago when we were supposed to go to dinner,” said Jason. “But then we got into that fight so I wasn’t able to give it to you.”
HE COULDN’T BE BOTHERED TO BUY A NEW LOTTERY TICEKT?
P.S. IF YOU GOT INTO A FIGHT, THAT MEANS YOU SHOULD GET HER A BIGGER, BETTER GIFT NOW.
But Jason thought that a scrap piece of paper was completely sufficient, seriously.
Jessica said to make matters worse, he brought this “gift” to her birthday house party.
He didn’t even have a CLUE to bring a bottle of wine or anything!
He showed up at a birthday house party for the girl he was dating empty-handed.
Worse than empty-handed!! He brought trash.
Why on Earth would someone do that? Was it laziness? Was he that cheap??
Because even a current lottery ticket by itself is a shitty gift for a girl you are dating. It’s $2...and an afterthought for when you buy a Twix bar.
Was he REALLY that big of a dud?
EARTH TO JASON: The point of an EFFING lottery ticket is to at least have the anticipation of being a winner.
Which I guess could be an analogy for anyone you’re dating: Is he a winner? Will I hit the jackpot this time???
No, Jessica did not hit the jackpot.
Jason was the OPPOSITE of the jackpot.
And it kept getting more insulting.
When Jessica dumped him, for reasons other than the stupid gift (but really, the gift played
the lottery), Jason’s response was that she was “too needy.”
Yea I guess so.
In that she NEEDS to find a winner.
And the lottery ticket isn’t the only thing that needs to go into the trash.