There are just some people that really need to turn their iPhones back in to society and get issued a carrier pigeon or something.
For bat-shit crazy abuse of Instagram and social media.
WE’RE IN OUR 30S PEOPLE. AND….YOU’RE A GUY.
The toolbag I wrote about a few weeks ago who kept sending his ex-girlfriend photos of Tinder girls or porn stars and pretending that he was hooking up with them should certainly be included in the confiscated phone group.
But Harrison, this guy my friend Shannon dated, would be the poster child.
He’d be the face…no, the inspiration behind the “we need to take away your phone” movement.
It would be like the Rob Lowe Direct TV ads.
“Don’t be like Harrison,” the posters would say, and then there would be an outline of his phone in his hand, like a dead body at a crime scene.
And this is why:
Harrison and my friend Shannon dated for almost a year, until she found out that he was cheating on her and she promptly dumped him.
It was one of those embarrassing revelations, where the “other woman”—a stranger—contacted her with the news and it all came tumbling down.
When Shannon told him that IT WAS OVER, Harrison wouldn’t stop harassing her through his iPhone.
He’d text saying that he missed her, he’d text saying that he wanted to marry her (vom) and then he texted her this gem the other day:
WHO WANTS TO RECEIVE THAT, PERIOD, LET ALONE FROM THEIR EX WHO CHEATED ON THEM????
I mean W.T.F.
That’s an abuse of texting AND Instagram.
(Also note to self: User Ecards_adulthumor is neither adult, nor humorous)
Shannon was supremely offended and mortified and responded brilliantly:
Then she went to bed that night feeling GROSS and woke up to THIS gem:
ANOTHER ABUSE OF AN INSTAGRAM PHOTO!!!
A “walking along the sand” photo and seemingly sweet message sent 12 hours after the last Instagram proposition of choking her from the back.
“Sorry for last night”
What a freak.
After getting the morning text, Shannon cautiously opened Instagram and searched for his account.
Five minutes after her sent her the stupid walking-in-the-sand photo telling her I love you, he had uploaded a photo of himself at the gym with the hashtags #singlelife #Ilovemyself
LOL single life.
LOL I love myself!!!!!!!!
Don’t be like Harrison.
Now, please place your iPhone in the box to the right.