The Yahoo! home page posted an article today entitled, “Eight not-so-obvious signs he’s cheating” (yes I have a Yahoo email) and no, I didn’t read it (because pshhhhh), but I found a “sign” they need to add!!!
If he gets mad that you marked him.
Wait, sorry, clawed him.
Nails are tough little things. Ask any new mom.
And when these nails are on an adult, and the adult nails really, uh, like something about someone…they may inadvertently claw it. Like a cat.
My friend Julie was this very cat. She started dating her boss, Graham, the manager at the place they both worked.
Graham was cute and nice (seeming) and went out of his way to court her. He asked her out…paid…haha…and complimented her.
They became regular sleepover buddies.
Julie started really liking him, and taking all of the wonderful things he said to her to heart.
They didn’t see each other every single night, but pretty regularly. They were properly dating.
But then one night, after a particularly hot evening that got, hahhahaha, handsy, Julie saw the next morning that there were very obvious cat-like claw marks on his right hip.
“!!!!!” she told him. “HOTT!!”
But instead of laughing or feeling like a stud (or “going for round 8,” as Julie describes…haha), Julie said Graham flinched…FLINCHED!… and FREAKED OUT.
“What the F—!” he said, contorting his body to get a closer look at the marks. “How do I get rid of this?”
How to I get RID of this??
“What?” Julie asked. “What are you talking about? Who is looking at your hip bone?”
“No one!” Graham yelled.
Graham then said something about how it will be “a problem working out at the gym” hahahahahaha which was hilarious because no
straight guy shows his hip to anyone at the gym.
(Ed note: Wait…right??)
No, obviously. the problem was someone else seeing his hip.
Julie said she “looked into it at work” with the other employees and duh, it turned out Graham and his hip were very much hanging out with another girl.
Thank God for Julie’s long claw nails, right????
I mean, is this is what it’s come to? Needing to markyour territory on a guy to find out if he’s your, and your turf alone?
How much longer would Julie have thought Graham was this sweet, awesome guy if she hadn’t Wolverine-swiped him and saw his reaction?
New superhero: Cat claw ladies.