You’d think I’d run out of ways to talk about how guys get caught cheating.

Or, even ways about how a guy who is sleeping with a girl gets caught cheating by really having a whole ‘nother life with a whole ‘nother girlfriend. 

(Or wife. Or boyfriend.) 

My favorite story (i.e. the most random) used to be the case of the guy whose CAT dragged a used condom from out of his bedroom and dropped it at his feet the exact moment he was insisting he wasn’t cheating.


Pussy CONTROL!!!

But the cat story is no longer my favorite completely random story anymore!!


Because this one is about journalism.

I’m a journalist!!! Glad my industry was of service!


Jason, the guy in question, and my friend Eva had an on-and-off completely bad idea long-distance romance after meeting at a work convention and yes, terrible idea but they had a THING together and they hooked up and kept in touch when they went back to their respective cities.

It was an even MORE terrible idea when Jason, a PhD candidate, found out he was awarded? accepted? into some program in Germanyto do research or whatever people DO when they’re getting their PhDs.

And he had no real “coming home” date.

Eva was devastated.

She had feelings for him and this was an impossible situation.

Dramatic hand over forehead—have fun in Germany, Jason!!!!!—sniff—Auf Wiedersehen!, and then she deleted his phone number.

But he soon crawled his way back in, almost immediately.

He Skype messaged her, he sent her emails addressed to cute nicknames, he kept asking her if she was dating anyone.

“He’s probably just lonely,” friends told her.

But Eva would get invested again and again with HIS persistence and his flirtatiousness—genuine conversation peppered with sexual innuendos that would make her laugh—and she’d fall back into contact.

One time, he offered for her to come visit him in Germany.

No! Bad idea Eva began to save up money for a plane ticket.

For the next six months—SIX MONTHS!—they played this game, her saving up money, him flirt Skyping, calling and emailing.

But then, right when she saved up thousands of dollars, he became noncommittal.

“Oh, uh, I might be going to uhhh HAMBERG (or whatever) that week! Let me check my schedule and get back to you!”

Eva was hurt and confused. He contacted her at least three days a week either phone or email or Skype or damn WORDS WITH FRIENDS (Ed note: people still play that??) and now nothing.


And then, as if the most perfect timing as the CAT dragging in the bad news, Eva logged onto Facebook and saw the CONVENTION WHERE THEY MET Facebook Group linked to a newspaper article entitled “PhD Candidate Jason Blah Blah from his small hometown of Georgiadoing research on Blah Blah!!”



And it was in that article where it mentioned how he is working on this ALL IMPORTANT RESEARCH with his research partner and LIVE-IN GIRLFRIEND.




I asked her why the article mentioned a “live-in” girlfriend, because I’m a journalist.

“Because they were doing research together on BLAH BLAH BLAH and were planning on moving out of THEIR apartment to live together in a tent for the next couple of weeks,” she said.




Why would Jason pursue her for six months and know very well she had feelings for him and was saving up money to visit him when he and his LIVE-IN girlfriend were nature-bound?

Eva concluded he just wanted her around on a hook, as backup. Oh, and he appeared to enjoy their Skype sessions.


The newspaper article was the worst reality check ever.

It wasn’t just a rumor or a vague Facebook photo, but a bona fide, journalist-backed, CITED article about his love life.

The daily paper in his small hometown of Georgiawas NO liar.

Black, white and waaahhh RED all over!!!

But it was a blessing in disguise.

Without that article (and journalists!!!) Eva would be all bummed out about where he was and what he was doing and would probably get sucked back into Skyping him.

So she blocked him from all of her accounts. There is no way he can get back in touch with her.

The only tragic thing is that she has all this money saved up and nowhere to go.

I think she should bail out a newspaper.


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