I know it’s Wednesday, but I was too busy doing this yesterday to post:


Anyway. Back to business.

When I sort of kind of tried meeting people online (ugh), I met a guy who told me he was a moderator for the online dating site.

“A moderator? What does that mean?” I asked.

“I see things people write that are rude and were ‘flagged’,” he said. “Some of them are pretty ridiculous.”

“Hey, you think you can email me that?” I asked.

(He doesn’t know about Toolbag Tuesday.)

“Sure,” he said.

I never talked to him again after our date (he was kind of a dork….and a moderator) but he came through on his promise to email me the “flagged” messages. Below are actual NOT EDITED messages from dudes on a local dating website.


No, really………..get ready……

MAN_504: For a smart girl, you effuse an ignorant anti-Jewish liberalism that will be the downfall of all us Jews. No- I’m not a republican, though you still may not get me because of your inability to see outside the box of your parental alienation.


GUY1187 Your so proud of your lack of any type of Jewish spiritualism, even though that ‘s where most of the world’s spiritualism originates from.
I really doubt you’ll reply, and if you do it will probably be in the extreme negative- this is why most people don’t go into discourses online and merely wink at profiles. Who has time to write to each person that is encountered online?
Meditation is not spiritual- it is the selfish act of mind quieting. As an adamant Taurus, by definition you are full of BS, and I’m calling you on it.
Shalom (from a real doctor)


IMCOOL1234: I want to lick your ass so bad. U are gorgeous.


MISTEROkcupid: you should totally message me back i use a cock pump daily so you know what that means right?


LadyPants No. What does that mean?

MISTEROkcupid: I can pump my cock up to a big size when ever I want Hun. So what do you say to that

LadyPants: Is that your first message to every girl on here or is there something in my profile that made you think that would appeal to me?


WestCoastGuy: You are too old to be prancing around in bumble bee outfityt. Your eggs are drying up. Not to mention your opportunities for finding a relationship are quickly closing. You need to decide. you still want to fuck around like you are still 21.


LoveMeLoveYou: YOU ARE SUCH A DARLING…I can be your little secret if you ever need a fuck buddy, one time fling, NSA, short/long term, casual sex or whatever you need and I am someone to be very discreet if you need this…I am a 45 year old white male here…I had a vasectomy in the past, but I know you know that it can be medically reversed.




2 thoughts on “TOOLBAG TUESDAY

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