Peter, this winner my friend Kim dated, took the schoolyard “I know you are, but what am I?” tactic to the bedroom.

It was quite confusing, since he appeared to be the most mature person who had picked up on her…ever.

They met at a restaurant, where they were both dining alone.

They made eye contact and smiled at each other and after Peter finished paying his bill, he came over to her table.

“I thought since you were also alone, you might like some reading material,” he said, and handed her his newspaper.

(Swoon. Be still my journalistic heart!)

Kim looked down and saw that Peter had written his name and number on the newspaper. She smiled. He was cute.

“Totally classy,” she recalls.

Kim called Peter that night and they hit it off. They laughed a lot, they had a lot of the same things in common, they liked the same music. He even dropped off a CD of a band they both liked at her house (Ahhhh…early 2000s).

They went out a few times, but their relationship stayed platonic.

Peter didn’t make any moves, and Kim didn’t know how. She had dated one person for her entire high school and college life.

Had Peter asked, Kim would have told him all about the one guy she had dated, and would have admitted that she was nervous about dating other people, and didn’t know what to do.

Maybe Peter would have even found that adorable.

But he didn’t ask. At her house one day, he leaned over and made out with her.

It wasn’t a terrible kiss by any means, but Kim got flustered when he started getting “handsy” and finally blurted out, “I don’t want a boyfriend!”

It was an odd reaction for sure, since nobody really expects someone you kiss once to be your significant other just like that, and Peter could have asked her a number of follow-up questions, like, uh, what?


Or “…yea, I don’t want one, either.” Ha.

Instead, Peter flipped out.

“Oh, YEA?” He said. “Well, I don’t enjoy your company ANYWAY!”


Her company?????

“What??” Kim asked.

He went from making out with her to insulting her personality within 5 seconds.

“…And I don’t want to see you EVER again!” he said, standing up.

Kim sat there shocked. It was insulting, especially since they had hung out for the past several weeks and actually did enjoy each other’s company.

He was lying! He just felt rejected and couldn’t handle it.

“…Ever AGAIN!!!!” Peter’s repeated, like a crazy person.

Then he left her house in a huff.

Kim had never wished more that she was rubber and he was glue.


2 thoughts on “TOOLBAG TUESDAY

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