No (American) female would argue that a guy having money is an attractive quality.

Fly me to Hawaii!!!! Take me out to a movie with $8 popcorn!!!! 

Let me visit you in an apartment that has doors!!

Here’s the thing about guys and money, though: it’s way hotter for a girl to find out on her own that you’re rich, as opposed to you throwing it in her face.
…On a first date.

And there’s nothing more troll-ish than a guy going on and on about how much money he has, and then complaining that he can’t find a decent girl.
…On a first date.

This happens more often than you’d think.

Take Peter for example, a guy my friend Sarah met through a mutual friend. They met for happy hour one day and decided to go to another bar. Peter said he could drive.

“Wow, I love your car!” Sarah said when she got into the shiny new Jeep Grand Cherokee.

“Please,” Peter said smugly. “This is a RENTAL. I normally drive a three hundred thousand dollar car. It’s just in the shop right now because I hit something.”


At the bar, they discussed Sarah’s birthday that was coming up. Sarah didn’t know what she wanted to do.

“How about I take you to dinner, and then meet up with some friends?” Peter asked.

Sarah agreed. She wasn’t super attracted to him, but he seemed nice. And she liked dinner.

Peter took her out to the fanciest restaurant in the whole city. He ordered hundred-dollar bottles of wine, he ordered appetizers and dessert. He ordered three entrees. The entire table was filled with plates.

As they were finishing up, Peter said, “You know what? I just forgot…I didn’t even get you a birthday present.”

Sarah was shocked.

What?? No! This dinner is more than present enough,” she said.

“No…I feel bad,” he said.

Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out $200.

“Here, take this,” he said, throwing two $100 bills on the table.

“This is what I would have spent on a present.”


What? No, I don’t want you to pay me money,” Sarah said, feeling completely awkward. Like an escort.

They had known each other for ONE week.

“No, take it,” he said. “Take it.”

It was beyond uncomfortable. Sarah was staring at the cash on the table when the server came by looking confused, wondering if it was supposed to go towards their bill.

After dinner, at the bar to meet up with Sarah’s friends, Peter decided that he didn’t quite get the point across that he had a shitload of money. The forced $200 cash didn’t do it.

Out of nowhere, he spoke up very loudly, interrupting conversations at the long table.

“You know, I have NO IDEA why I’m single,” he said, looking at Sarah.

She gave him a quizzical look.

“I don’t know why I’m single either!” one of Sarah’s girl friends said, half-drunk, laughing. “I mean, I’m smart, I have a job, I’m funny. I’m a catch!”

Everyone laughed.


They could.

Peter then left the bar, muttering something to his mutual friend about how “girls only use you for your money.”



Sarah ignored Peter’s calls and texts after that, not so much because of his MILLION DOLLARS outburst, but because his texts went something like this:

“Can you feed my cat this weekend? I’ll pay you $150.”

“Can you pick up this painting I had framed and drive it to my house? I’ll pay you $100.”


Doesn’t he have a $300,000 car he could use to do that??

It didn’t matter.
Sarah had already decided he wasn’t worth it.



One thought on “TOOLBAG TUESDAY

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