There’s a buttload of reasons to cancel on a first date…the day before your first date.

A death in the family.

A car accident.

A last-minute invite to an awesome music show.

A freak accident with your electric razor and now you only have one eyebrow.

These are all acceptable reasons.

NOT an acceptable reason, in my opinion, was an EMAIL I received from Leon, this guy I met….cringe….online, who pretty much said he didn’t want to go out with me because he didn’t think I was super duper serious about him…without ever meeting him in person.

I know we met online, but this isn’t Russia. GAW

We had planned to meet at a nice tapas place for dinner.

I was actually really excited about it, since I hadn’t been on a date in months.

Leon, who sent me a message almost immediately after I signed up online, wasn’t even that cute, but I was in no position to be picky.

He messaged me about how he liked that I’m a writer and how did I get into writing? Etc etc.

Someone who was interested in my interests!!??!!

These types of guys exist??? (Ha kidding mom)

I immediately wrote him back.

He worked in outside retail clothing sales (uh yes please) and seemed nice and smart. He also took time to be grammatically correct, which I appreciated.

After two weeks and 15….yes FIFETEEN lengthy messages back and forth, where we talked about how we both got into our respective careers, what we were doing for an upcoming holiday, where we’re from and more, we made plans to meet up.

“Where do you want to go?” he asked.

“Let’s go to that tapas place everybody’s been talking about!” I wrote.

“Perfect.” He said. “Pick you up at seven?”

I don’t get into cars with strangers, so I lied.

“You know, I’m actually headed that way after work so I’ll just meet you there if that’s cool,” I wrote.

“OK, that works, see you then!” he wrote.

I was beyond excited. I even cancelled plans with my mom – giddy as a schoolgirl – to tell her that I was going ON A DATE with someone.

“Well, I hope you’re not getting into a car with him!” she said.


“Remember that tapas place I’ve been talking about forever??? WE’RE GOING THERE!!!” I told her.

But, no. I was wrong. No tapas for me.

I got an email from Leon the night before our date.

Four long paragraphs.

“I know this is completely out of the blue but it has to be said,” he wrote.

I was driving at the time and pulled over to the side of the road to read the rest of his letter on my phone.

“The more I read our messages, the more I get the impression that you are looking for something pretty casual. And I get attached too easily for ‘casual.’”


“I think it is perhaps not the best idea for us to meet up for dinner. I think there is a pretty high chance you will walk away thinking it had just been a nice chat without caring about what’s next.”

So now I don’t care???

How can I care when I haven’t even met someone????


As if that wasn’t enough of a message, Leon continued:

“I’m sure you’re a lovely date but I’m just trying to be more aware lately of what I really want in another person, rather than just taking what is available.”


So, I’m just what’s “available” at the moment?

My heart sank at the busy intersection.

…And that’s how I got dumped without ever going on a first date.

Too bad for Leon, us “casual” bimbos don’t take being stood up lying down.

“If you want an immediate wife try a mail order bride,” I wrote.

Seriously. Haha. I wrote that.

“That seems…a bit harsh,” he wrote back, minutes later.

“Harsh? You’re cancelling a date with me and you’re calling me harsh? OK. Good luck with your big search,” I wrote.

The next day, the DAY of our cancelled date, he wrote, “Would it be a stupid question to ask if there were any chance of starting over?”

I rolled my eyes – not only at his lame attempt to take back the cancellation – but because the correct way to say that is,

“Would it be a stupid question to ask if there WAS any chance of starting over?”


Definitely not marriage material.


7 thoughts on “TOOLBAG TUESDAY

  1. Anonymous

    All relationships eventually lead to sadness, but, yeah, it's hard to skip the good parts right away b/c the other one does not want to risk it..

    However, looking at your other tuesday studies, it seems that the man was not necessarily malicious but rather did not realize that his words could hurt.. After all imperfect subjunctive can be very confusing..


  2. Stephen Ferrell

    Yeah, I'm trying the online dating thing too. ANd for someone to cancel before the first date like that is kind of lame. Whats wrong with just meeting and getting to know each other? PS: I hope I was gramatically correct.


  3. Anonymous

    Perhaps not picking you up at your house was a disappointment because he would have no excuse to be at your house later. Instead of a long term relationship, he may have been looking for a one night stand.


  4. Bev

    It should be “was,” not because of a singular vs. plural, but because theoretically it would be physically possible; but perhaps he used “were” because he knew he'd have to be stupid to think his chances were anything more than hypothetical…


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