The iPHONE really makes it hard to be a cheater. THANKS STEVE JOBS!!

I know, because I just got an iPHONE – my first smartphone EVER – and man, that thing saves everything!!

Text threads from weeks and weeks and weeks ago!

The last website you visited pops up when you go use the Internet again! (Uh, I was looking that up for a friend.)

Anyone looking at your phone screen can read your unread text messages!

(Seriously, that was a bad design move.)

For the record: I’m not a cheater, but if I were, the iPHONE would not be my confidant.

So, if this new technology makes it hard for normal people to cheat, imagine how screwed (no pun intended) DUMB cheaters are!!

Take Andrew, a dumb cheater my friend Jessica dated, who probably wishes he still had a flip phone.

He was Jessica’s manager and looked great on paper. And he was really hot.

They lived in a small town outside of Raleigh, North Carolina, called Shotwell.

No one had ever heard of it.

She quit her job to start her own business soon after they started dating, and they actually had a great time together.

Andrew seemed like a perfect guy – a nice Christian man (foreshadowing…) – and he really wanted to settle down and have a family, blah blah blah.

But Jessica became suspicious when she saw his ex-girlfriend all over his Facebook page, writing things that ended with, “hunny.”

When she asked Andrew about it, he said nothing was going on, he “can’t control what other people do,” and told her to get over it.

But it was clear from looking at his Facebook page that he enjoyed attention from other women.

This fact became shockingly and embarrassingly clear when she got a text message from Andrew one Saturday afternoon.

It was a message that we can only assume was meant as a Google internet search on his iPHONE rather than a message intended for her:

“Escorts in Shotwell, NC”




What an idiot.

Even strippers would have been better!! Then he could have lied about planning a bachelor party or something.

But an escort?? Like, he wants to take out and spend money on another woman??

And In Shotwell, too! What, he’s too lazy to drive to Raleigh?

Jessica responded with, “are you fucking kidding me?” and then, “its over Andrew forget you ever met me.”

He never replied. (Suddenly his iPHONE didn’t work??)

What would he have said, though? What CAN you say?

“OOPS?” “I meant to write Scooter?’”

Sadly, if he hadn’t had a smartphone, she would have never have known about his need for pay sex.

The only thing a girl can trust is her iPHONE.


2 thoughts on “TOOLBAG TUESDAY

  1. How do y'all know he wasn't looking for a Ford Escort….just trying to find an economical car…maybe so he could save up for a ring?


    The thing that trips me up about these phones is the group messaging. There's a thread on my phone now of messages between me, my wife and my sister…sometimes I forget when it's up. There are times when I might not want my sister seeing what I'm writing to my wife.


  2. Anonymous

    If you looked through my google search you'd see “asian massage dillon CO” but I looked it up for a friend. “Nipple” was for me 😀


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