I really should write today’s Toolbag Tuesday about the LSU football team because their shut-out against Alabama last night was atrocious.
A total waste of three Miller High Lifes!! (plus tip)
I actually wondered aloud during the game whether Alabama stole LSU’s playbook, because they somehow knew each and every play LSU was planning to do before the ball was thrown.
…and they were always there first…to embarrass us.
Jordan Jefferson, the LSU quarterback (if you can even call him that after last night) was the biggest toolbag of all.
He threw the ball to invisible players, got sacked, fumbled and had a general look of confusion on his face the whole time like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz.
THAT’S NOT A CHAMPION!
Let’s stay with the sports theme today.
Brian, who dated my friend Ann, held her New Orleans Saints jersey hostage after they broke up, and ignored her many, many pleas to get it returned.
And it was the year we won the Superbowl!!
I have a girl friend who says she always throws everything away left at her house from an ex, even the big T-shirt that she slept in and boxer shorts.
But I think clothes are a bit tricky because it’s not like you can find a particular T-shirt just anywhere you know, it’s not like a DVD or a phone charger.
You certainly couldn’t just find Ann’s Saints jersey anywhere at the time.
It was a Reggie Bush jersey, (I know, I know) but it was a super hot item in Christmas of 2009 and when her dad got it for her, she actually cried.
Ann and Brian’s relationship was on its way to a bitter end that football season.
They had dated for almost a year but it wasn’t going anywhere so she broke up with him right after the new year. And it didn’t go over very well.
She should never have left her Bush jersey at his house. She had only worn it once.
She asked him about the jersey constantly.
It was a Christmas gift! It’s Reggie Bush! I wanna wear it on Sundays!!
Yet Brian completely ignored her.
Was it a punishment for her breaking up with him? It’s not like he could wear it or anything.
Her emails became increasingly more sarcastic as the weeks went on.
Subject: Just so you know…
The saints won again last sunday.
I’m just saying.
The next day Brian responded:
Let it go geez.
Ann furiously blinked at the screen.
“LET IT GO??”
HE was holding HER jersey hostage! YOU let it go buddy!
Ann, fuming, responded with:
Let it go? Another jersey will cost $60 plus tax plus shipping. That’s a lot to let go of.
And that’s when Brian turned into a big baby:
Is $60 is the amount of our relationship???
Ann didn’t write back. She obviously wasn’t getting her jersey back. She considered going by his house and using the hidden key but decided $60 was far less than bail for breaking and entering.
A few weeks later, Ann heard from mutual friends that Brian moved back to his hometown a few hours away.
He broke his lease, quit his job and didn’t tell Ann bye…or return anything that belonged to her.
WHAT THE HELL??
She never saw her jersey again. The jersey she wore ONE time. A wasted Christmas present!
What an A-hole.
Ann wrote Brian one last tasteful email:
The Saints had their first playoff game yesterday. They won. I hope whatever box my saints jersey is in was just as excited about their first victory of the season as I was.
If only it was her LSU jersey…