Boys are so destructive.

What, simple yelling and screaming doesn’t do it for them??

They have to do things like rip doors off their hinges and throw things across the room to show that they’re really mad???

It’s especially infuriating when the destruction is done to your own house.

I’ve written before about the JOYS of homeownership, after my twin sister, Joy, and I bought a house in South Carolina together in 2006.

In addition to the housing bubble and rats in the attic, one other thing we’ve unexpectedly had to deal with are dumb boys who wreak havoc on our walls.


James was destructive, and for a very reasonable reason: our roommate didn’t want him to sleep over…in her bed.


They had JUST MET at a party at our house and he was there as SOMEONE ELSE’S DATE.


But he really liked Emily, our roommate. He kept taking pictures of just her like paparazzi, and wouldn’t leave her alone even though his date was Joy’s co-worker and that was super awkward for everyone.

When his date left the party, alone, James became even more annoying about his love for Emily.

He started talking to everyone else at the party about how awesome Emily was, and we were all like, yea, we know…she’s standing like 20 feet away from us.

As the party was winding down, James was somehow convinced that Emily felt the same way and he asked if he could spend the night.

No, she said.

He asked if he could kiss her.

No, she said.

Tired and annoyed, Emily then yelled at him when it looked as if he was following her into her bedroom.

“NO!” she yelled angrily at him in the hallway. “YOU ARE NOT COMING INTO MY ROOM!!”

“I was just going to the bathroom!” he said. And then he walked into the bathroom.

It wasn’t until after he left a short time later when we saw what happened: James had destroyed our bathroom.

He ripped out our toilet paper holder FROM THE WALL and threw it on the ground, leaving a gaping hole.

He pulled down our shower curtain – TWO gaping holes – and had kicked over our trash can, toilet cleaners, toilet brush holder and everything else he could.

He was MAD, y’all.

Someone passing by the bathroom said later that she heard noises in there, but she was drunk and didn’t pay attention.

We were horrified when we saw it and were stuck having to clean it and fix it, because we couldn’t very well call a landlord and say, “I don’t know…the shower curtain rod just FELL off of the wall! Crazy! When should we expect the carpenter?

And we didn’t know how to get in touch with James since WE HAD JUST MET HIM, and Joy didn’t want to have another super awkward conversation with her co-worker.


So we had to go to Wal-Mart and spend $30 buying all new things and spend a Saturday afternoon re-painting the wall and screwing in a new toilet paper holder and shower curtain.

It was annoyingly ironic. Everyone got screwed except James.


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