Sometimes, one of the most annoying things about breaking up with someone is breaking up with their life as well.

(Of course this only applies to people you break up with who HAVE lives.)

Sometimes you just want to be like, well, I don’t want to see YOU anymore…but can I still hang out with all your friends?

…And still go to your family dinners??

But no, you can’t.
And it sucks.

Tommy my friend Sarah’s ex-boyfriend didn’t get that memo.

When they broke up, (FYI…his fault a thousand percent), he decided that he still wanted to reap the benefits of Sarah’s life.

Toolbag move number one, he mentioned DURING THEIR BREAKUP“You know, I’m still playing on your kickball team,” which was quickly answered with a “LIKE F YOU ARE” ….since it was Sarah’s kickball team and she had been the captain for three years and Tommy hadn’t even been around for one year.

Really Tommy? You still think you’re on her kickball team?
No, you are no longer part of Sarah’s life.
Cease and desist.

But Tommy was determined. Faced with the fact that he now had zero friends (since he had leeched off of Sarah for the past year), he decided he was going to form his OWN kickball team.

With Sarah’s players.

Tommy called each person on Sarah’s team to ask them if they wanted to switch teams to one he was forming. He even called her girl friends!!

Nobody switched teams, and when someone (uh, a girl friend) mentioned the phone call to Sarah at the bar after a game, everyone awkwardly admitted that Tommy had called them, too.

“YOU’RE POACHING?” Sarah screamed at Tommy over the phone later. “YOU’RE POACHING MY TEAM??”

Tommy didn’t understand the problem.

He then decided to show up at the kickball championship game a few weeks later, even though HE WASN’T ON A TEAM, and, as such, had to pay money to get in (for the keg beer.)

…And he brought a girl.

Yes, Tommy brought a date knowing full well Sarah and her entire team was going to be there.

One month after they broke up.

Sarah decided she wasn’t going to pay attention to Tommy, but then as she walked back from getting more beer, he had weaseled himself into the conversation with her team and her friends. Sitting with them!

Like everything was cool.

NOT COOL! You don’t hang with your ex’s friends on your ex’s turf a month after you break up, uh, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE A GIRL ON YOUR ARM.

Go somewhere else!

Just because it’s kickball doesn’t give you an excuse to be a complete child.


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