In my opinion, there are a number of reasons why someone would send mixed messages to a love interest.

Alcohol is one.
Because even if you broke up with someone WEEKS ago, vodka makes the heart grow fonder. And will often demand a sleepover.

Jealousy is another.
Because sometimes, even if someone doesn’t like you (or like you anymore), if they see someone else hitting on you, they’ll be all interested again.

An example: “Your boyfriend’s cute,” my friend’s EX-BOYFRIEND texted her one night, not even an hour after she ran into him at a restaurant with someone new.

She hadn’t heard from that ex-boyfriend in six months, but the mere glimpse of her sharing an appetizer with someone else made him text her for the rest of the night, and into the next day.

But I have no idea what was behind the mixed messages this guy Ryan threw at my friend Liz a few weeks ago.

Ryan and Liz met through her friend’s boyfriend. They had been out two times and he was actually quite cute. They even spent an (innocent) night together in his bed.

Ryan seemed to like her as well. He went out of his way to meet her at places she was at, and he got to know her friends — asked them questions and bought them drinks.

On their third date, Ryan met Liz and her friends at a bar for some Saturday day drinking.
According to the friends, Ryan was notably “all over her.”

“Like, holding her hand, telling her to kiss him in front of everybody,” one friend recalls.

The P.D.A. was a bit odd, considering it was daylight, he wasn’t drunk or anything and, really, isn’t that something a GIRL does? (haha just kidding.)

Liz obliged, and held his hand and tried to resume a normal conversation with her friends across the table even though his hand was creeping up her thigh.

Suddenly, Ryan said in front of everyone, “Liz, can we talk inside? I need to have a private conversation with you.”

(Uhhh private?)

“What’s up?” Liz asked, slightly concerned, when they were alone.

“Well, I just wanted to tell you that I have a date tonight,” Ryan said.


“WHAT?!” Liz said.

“Yea. And I wanted to ask you if that was OK.”

“WHAT?!” Liz said, again.

Why THE HELL would he tell her that he had a date that night, let alone ask her for permission?

And, if he indeed had a date that night, why was he was ALL OVER HER mere SECONDS AGO making her kiss him in front of everyone??

Mixed signals indeed!

(P.S. His poor date. She was probably getting her hair did and everything.)

Ryan then looked Liz deep in the eyes.

“I mean, if you don’t want me to go…” he trailed off.

“I don’t care WHAT you do,” Liz said, visibly taken aback.

She then walked back to her table of friends and tried to pretend that the conversation never happened.

But Ryan immediately left the bar, like HE was somehow offended.
As if he wasn’t the one who just announced that he was taking another girl out that night.

All of Liz’s friends looked at her confused, asking what the hell just happened. All she could do was shrug her shoulders.

I mean, was Ryan looking for Liz to tell him NO, that it wasn’t OK for him to go out with someone else?

That she liked him so much that the idea of him on another date was devastating?


Their “private conversation” in that dark corner of the bar was the last time they ever spoke.

Of course, Ryan continues to ask Liz out, via text messages.
(Maybe things didn’t work out with the “other” woman.)

Liz hasn’t responded.

After all, she wouldn’t want to give him the wrong idea.


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